don't let the title mislead you, this is not a second installment of the mancat saga. I have not discovered the culprit and as heartbreaking as it is for my optimistic personality, I probably never will. so you enjoy your freedom for now mutant mancat, one day it will end forever and though not by my hand, someone's hand. someone with a little more initiative. same goes for you, other theory of homeless bum with disturbing tastes. it is not over.
no, this is more a clarification of my previous post. thinking back on my prose, because I do that a lot, I realized you know, we might sound a little off to unsuspecting peoples. just a tad diagonal. so, I thought to remedy that with a little information about myself. aren't you excited? I know I am. first off, right now (not right now-right now though, right now-right now I am sitting at my boyfriend's computer trying very hard not to get Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds into his keyboard, which is a lot harder a task than you realize, this cereal is full of little bits and quite rebellious without milk to keep it in line.) yeah, so right now, just the normal right now, I work at a Petsmart. supposedly the busiest Petsmart in Tucson. I have not seen evidence to support this yet. it is always rather dead when I am there. perhaps they can sense that I am not only not a people person, but also don't have an almost unhealthy obsession with rodents. I swear the guinea pigs glare at me as I walk by, plotting against me. plotting their evil little guinea pig plans. they should take up with mancat and start a band. I don't know why I just had that thought. it should've been something diabolical, but no, I said start a band. way to go, Erika, way. to. go.
because I work at a Petsmart, it is common for me to find tins of pet food all over the store, like Easter. this reminds me, just the other day, my boyfriend who I shall refer to as Lovebunny from now on. sorry, pause for my own sadistic laughter. and continue. Lovebunny and I were discussing analogies and that he is horrid at them and I am rather brilliant. it may not have been in those exact words, but that's what I took from our conversation. you see, a good analogy is between two things and is very general, bringing up a common similarity in said items but similarities so general and simplified that the same quality could be said to exist in numerous other things as well. now a really great analogy is between two things that are not very alike at all. when the writer has to strain their tired overworked mind for something that can tie these two together. something unique and novel and yet so general that everyone will immediately see the resemblance. like the jewel I wrote just up there. 'find tins of pet food all over the store, like Easter'. fuck, cue angel choir singing now. I am a genius. Easter. you get it? do you? DO YOU?!? you walk around aimlessly, looking for little flashes of color that shouldn't be there and voila! SUCCESS!!!! and if it's really like Easter and you found a real egg and not a plastic one that's kind of guaranteed to have something pretty good in it, candy or maybe a dollar. but you have a real egg in your grubby little hand, and no amount of food coloring and glitter will disguise the fact that you can see the cracking shell and smell the hard-boiledness inside. that disappointment is akin to what I feel every time I find a tin of petfood in a random, out of the way spot. not that I am against easter eggs, I'm really not, I will dye their eggy shells til I reek of vinegar and my fingers are stained. and they will be beautiful. my eggs are always BEAUTIFUL. no, I am only mentioning the disdain I had as a child for the bland mushy balls of nasty, hidden behind a pink layer of Easter cheer. you know what I'm talking about. you know.
so... I lost my train of thought thinking about Easter. oh yes, petsmart and clarification so you know we are not crazy. yes. see? I have every reason to write about the spoils of cat food and the victims that fall to it's flavor name writing skills. if I worked at Toys R us, you might think differently. but I have every reason. every. reason. I like repeating the important bits, it makes me feel empowered. EMPOWERED. it's like magic. Like Magic. okay, enough of that we very nearly ruined it for myself. I hope you learned something from this. if only that I am not camping out in Petsmart, laying traps for the mancat, I have given up on that front. you can stop worrying, though putting myself out there for the vicious Seafood Surprise-loving mancat is definitely sufficient cause for worry. I would use a cat magazine full of scantily clad kitties. for the traps I mean. doing that thing they do where they stick their ass in the air as you pet down their back. I don't like that, it makes me uncomfortable and damn you for suggesting I do it because 'oh she likes that' and I do not want to look at your cats butt hole but now I just did. Thanks a lot Douchebag. you disgust me.
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