so, being back in the retail world is reminding me about all the little things that I really really hated there. not like bring a gun and start delivering people kind of hate, but ranty I'm grumpy and want to explode my complaint bubble all over you so I'm not the only one stuck cleaning black ooze off from every where kind of hate. I imagine it's black and gooey, just hanging over my head like this disgusting shiny blob... yeah.
anyway, back to my ranting. While stocking today at work, I discovered a half open tin of cat food. It was very well hidden, stuffed behind a row of cat litter that otherwise would've gone undisturbed but I had nothing to do and wanted to use the handy ladder. did I mention it was on the top shelf? Who the fuck half opens cat food and throws it on the top shelf? did we have some mutant man-cat living in a makeshift cabin of litter boxes? did I scare him away with my inane self-chatter and squeaky ladder? chatter and ladder... oh that bothers me now, it's not quite a rhyme but annoying enough to fit the criteria. ugh. okay, ignore it, just ignore it. yes, a man-cat. what a perfect setup too, a pet store. he'd get all the tins of kitty food he'd ever dare to hope for. as lovely and fantastical as that theory seemed, I entertained it for maybe 3 minutes before deciding it was highly unlikely. someone would have spotted him by now, and although hazing the new girl with a scare by the store-mutant wouldn't surprise me, I have made some nice acquaintances there and I think they'd have warned me. or at least hinted. more possibly it was some customer who for whatever reason began to open a tin of Sea Captain's Special flavor Friskies, perhaps wanting a light snack while shopping for the kittens, and realized 'oh wait, I am in a place of business and it is inappropriate for me to enjoy this without having purchased it first' and then he quickly chucked it into the air where it comically bounced atop the two aisles in between and finally settled in the spot where I came across it.
really people, I know the pet food can look quite tasty. trust me, after 8 hours when all you've eaten is half a bag of vending machine chips, the biscuits and jerkies look pretty damn good. and though I myself have never had the urge to eat canned cat food, I can understand why one might think it an excellent idea. it's the flavor-names. Grilled Salmon and Potatoes, Roast Lamb with Rice, Succulent beef tips marinated in gravy... hell, my mouth is watering as I type this. if you're starving and poor, this may be a wonderful opportunity for you, some of those cans are only 50cents each! that's pretty fucking awesome for Rotisserie Chicken in Meaty Juices. but please, restrain yourself until you're back in your homey little cardboard box and enjoy your Gourmet Whiskas in peace. or if you simply cannot resist, eat the whole fucking can and don't hide it for some young incredibly attractive still admittedly 'new' employee to find in the cat litter.
My vote is on the crazy Man-Cat.
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